Am I such an annoying person???? Probably.......

It is so obvious that the inpatient within a certain friend of mine towards me when talking or even when messaging me. Realizing of such inpatient within the friend, i really think that i shall restrain myself from talking or messaging to that friend. I wouldn't be knowing the real reason or the cause of such inpatient as for sure i wouldn't be asking, this will cause more inpatient or unhappiness towards the friend, probably annoyed. However my self conscious is not insensitive as such. Somehow probably my own attitude and personality causes that, hence i wouldn't be blaming anyone or the friend for such, I only have myself to blame, thus i shall restrain from talking and messaging in order to prevent me from annoying anyone further from today onward especially the certain friend. I'm really not good in human to human whatever kind of relationship, hence please don't compare me to others (your friends, previous partner etc........), i'm just me. Good or worse there is only one of the kind of me. So sorry if i really annoyed you....... :(

Friday the 13th................terribly sad

I'm quite a superstitious person basically. I usually don't like no. 13 and especially when the day 13 falls on Friday. Today is the day...basically everything went wrong and terribly wrong..........yes you might say that it is an excuse to blame it to the no. but it really went wrong for almost everything. It is indeed a very sad day to me as i might have hurt someone badly unintentionally with my bad temper which the guilt is eating my up deeply from within at this moment while i'm writing this. It was long since i release tantrum to people out of the family member so badly and the moment i did it immediately i realize it is terribly wrong. I always tend to mess up relationship and hurt people surrounding me especially those close to me..... maybe subconsciously i tend to push people away without realizing it. I really feel that by apologizing and saying sorry is not not enough for the hurt that i had caused.................SORRY!!!!! :'(
很想哭但是怎么都哭不出来................................很多东西都写不出来... 是, 当我发脾气时我真的很气, 气的不是什么, 只是你那很不耐烦的说话态度让我觉得很无辜,很无奈....我气喘喘的东忙西跑受了气, 累了得到的却是那种不耐烦的对待....很伤心......但现在更伤心的却是伤害了一个好朋友....很难受....真的很难受.........

又是雨天.........sigh

发现自己原来是逃避高手. 越来越看清楚自己到底是一个怎么样的人, 不知应该高兴呢? 还是悲哀.......看清自己是好事, 但如何去面对确实是个大难题! 曾经被老公投诉过, 视乎很喜欢把自己的内心藏起来, 重来都不去与人交流, 总是对人有所保留甚至是对他 是的 我的确是这样, 当发现有人或事物在精神上对我有所期待或依赖时, 很自然的我就会一把的把他推开或自己逃避....对人我会不自不觉的把关系搞得恶劣然后走开; 对事也就抛在一边直置不理, 不想面对....所以都没有什么深交可谈心的朋友咯........ 原来我一路来都很怕"责任"这两个字, 人与人相处的确需要的责任和付出我都做不到......... T_T
对人对事, 今天突然很惊醒的发现. 但发现了又如何? 没有解决方法... 还不是回到原点吗? 难受的感觉一路都有.... 当简单的事都会被自己复杂化又没有勇气去承担后果时, 真的都不能不佩服自己做人的失败.............

人与人之间

人与人之间的复杂交流实在是为难我这简单而不发达的头脑. 所以当事情变得复杂化时, 通常我都会选择抽离或保持距离来保护自己免得受到伤害. 记得有个朋友对我说我实在不应该这样， 应该接受朋友的全部好和坏, 这样做怎么会认识到朋友的全部呢？ 我赞同他的说法但我更看中我个人的感受, 我需要保护好我个人的感受.....说我自私， 可能吧.....

下雨的星期六

人, 永远都是最难理解的生物. 复杂的的思维和各种不同的人格, 促使人这种生物变得越是复杂. 很多时候自己都理解不了自己真正想要的是什么......... 下雨的夜晚有点感性, 因狮子座的我不喜欢潮湿的气候.........还是不要想太多继续看戏吧! :P

晴

久违了!!!好久都没有把心情留下, 今天和一位朋友突然说起部落格, 就试试进来看一看, 再不久可能就要开始学写日语的了......  最近心情都极好, 认识了一班蛮投缘和谈得来的新朋友,  每天生活都蛮充实的,  现在还真的蛮期待明年的到来......期待开始新的生活, 新的环境..... 就快可以梦想成真了..... 开心的同时却怀有一股忧郁............