A depress note

I screwed my day, Am i superstitious?? mayb sometimes, or should i say, most of the time since the first day of this year CNY. Not a really prosperous year a head if i to believe the chinese horoscope, it should b a bumpy year ahead waiting, what a shit!!! and i really started to feel it, is it psycological problem?? hope so.
Feel very very tired everyday as like don't want to do a thing, is this too a depression symptom? it has been for several months, all the bad news arriving one by one...... confident? nah, totally lack of, chances of career furthering?? sigh...status unknown; relationship, not so good. i started to wonder what am i capable of?? to destroy relationship particularly?? Coz i was kind of like very good in doing it, far fr friends, neighbours and close to family members, i started to feel like mayb i should b living alone in a deserted island, that will the best. No need to care for others feeling as i always by mean or not by mean hurt someone..... is very tiring as to always hav to becareful to look out not to hurt others which is opposite that i always good at it... Should i start with a new environment?? is gonna b another run away, even if i did run away fr the current situation and start a new one, i'll still screw things up in no time.
Is this the bottom limit of my fuck up life? I'm not sure, further to drop? hope no, desperately hope no. I'm so easy to b affected by others particularly my emotion. I'm clear that nothing is perfect however when things went wrong, i'll still feel so depress even i feel that i'v already prepare for the coming psycologically and well aware of the consequences, my emotion still affected deeply. How am i to drag myself to a high state of strong mentalily? i know i'm not a strong minded person, i desperately wanted to become one but how?? no idea.. keep anaylysing myself everyday? after so many years still the same, no improvement at all.. nadah
Seems like things i do usually wrong n without common sense, i'm sort of a werdous i guess....
I really need to get out fr this bottom stage of my life asap, i don't want things to get worse as compare to now, enough is enough.